Kindness advent calendar: 24 small good deeds for kids

A kindness advent calendar replaces the daily chocolate with a small good deed: a drawing for a grandparent, setting the table before anyone asks, a thank-you note for the bus driver. Each deed takes a few minutes and fits your child's age. By 24 December, your child has practised kindness 24 times, and the whole family has felt it.

Below you will find a ready-made list of 24 deeds with the ages they suit, a setup that takes about 10 minutes, what research says about kindness in children, and how to keep the habit going once the last door is open.

What is a kindness advent calendar?

It works like any advent calendar: 24 doors, pockets or envelopes, 1 for each day from 1 to 24 December. Behind each one, instead of a sweet or a toy, there is a slip of paper with a good deed. Your child opens it in the morning and does the deed during the day.

The format matters less than the habit. Families use:

• 24 small envelopes pegged on a string
• A jar of folded slips, 1 drawn each morning
• A paper chain, with 1 link torn off per day
• A grid on the fridge where each square gets a sticker once the deed is done

Some families keep a small treat in each pocket as well. That is fine. The deed is the main event, and in a season full of wish lists, it turns your child's attention for a few minutes a day from getting to giving.

Which good deeds fit each age?

Here is a full calendar. The ages are a guide: a careful 5 year old can do many of the "6 to 12" deeds with a grown-up nearby.

Several of these are ready-made quests in the kindness and manners pack of our chore library, with step-by-step guides such as say thank you, help someone at home and write a thank-you note.

Ages 2 to 5: do it together

Toddlers and preschoolers need deeds they can see and touch: handing over the drawing in person, carrying the napkins to the table, giving a biscuit to a neighbour. Do each deed with them, keep it under 5 minutes, and name what happened: "Grandpa smiled when you gave him your picture."

Ages 6 to 9: secret missions

School-age children can read the slip themselves and carry out the deed alone. Many love the idea of a secret mission: a note in a parent's coat pocket, a sibling's bed made before they notice. Let them report back at dinner if they want to.

Ages 10 to 12: let them plan

Preteens enjoy deeds with a bit of planning and a real effect. Give them some blank slips to fill in themselves, let them choose who gets the deed, and include a few that reach beyond the family, such as helping a neighbour with a grown-up's agreement.

How do you set it up in 10 minutes?

1. Choose a format. Envelopes, a jar, a paper chain or a grid on the fridge. Our printable charts can serve as the grid.
2. Write the 24 slips. Copy deeds from the table that suit your child, in any order.
3. Check the family calendar. Put quick deeds on school days and busy evenings, and bigger ones, like baking, on weekends.
4. Add 2 joker slips. "Your choice of kind deed today" keeps things flexible and lets your child invent.
5. Prepare a small box. Paper, pens, envelopes and stickers, so no deed is blocked by a missing card.
6. Pick an opening time. Breakfast works well: there is the whole day to do the deed.

What does research say about kindness and kids?

A study in Vancouver followed 415 students aged 9 to 11 in 19 classrooms. Some were asked to do 3 acts of kindness a week for 4 weeks; the others were asked to visit 3 places a week. Students in both groups improved in well-being, but those who did kind acts showed significantly bigger increases in peer acceptance: their classmates liked them more (Layous and colleagues, 2012). An advent calendar asks for 1 deed a day, which is more than the study tested, so keep the deeds light.

The pleasure of giving starts early. In an experiment with toddlers just under 2, children showed more happiness when they gave treats to a puppet than when they received treats themselves, and they were happier still when the treat they gave came from their own supply (Aknin, Hamlin and Dunn, 2012).

Neither study promises a kinder child after 24 days. They do suggest that small, regular acts of kindness feel good to children and change how others see them.

How do you keep it from becoming a checklist?

A calendar can slide into "done, next". A few habits keep the warmth in it:

• Talk about the person. "How did your teacher react to the note?" says more than a tick.
• Let your child choose. Joker slips and blank slips give them ownership.
• Join in. Do a deed of your own each day, or a family deed on Sundays. Children copy what they see.
• Skip without guilt. A missed day can move to the weekend, or simply go. The calendar is there to help.
• Keep payment out of it. Paying for kindness turns it into a job. Thanks, a smile and the open door are enough, as our guide to teaching kids to say thank you explains.

If your family uses Kidventures, you can add each day's deed as a quest. Your child ticks it off, gets a sticker right away and sees the month fill up, while the deed itself stays the point.

What do you do after day 24?

The last door does not have to end the kindness:

• Keep 3 favourites. Ask your child which deeds they liked most and turn them into weekly habits, like a Sunday call to a grandparent.
• Write thank-you notes after the holidays. A note for each gift is a natural follow-up, and a good first thank-you note can be a drawing (see our guide to thank you notes for kids).
• Run it again in another season. A 24-day kindness challenge works for Ramadan, the new year or the start of the school year.
• Build everyday manners. Our manners hub and the guide to everyday manners for kids turn kind gestures into daily routine.